Friday, January 10, 2014

Please! Make it Stop!

According to my sources (gossip on the internet) there is a distinct possibility that Hollywood will be making yet another Sex and the City movie.

Guys, whatever we must do...we have to stop that from happening.  SATC the series was fun to watch, if predictable...the first SATC movie pretty neatly tied up the loose ends from the series.  Then came SATC 2.

I don't know when I've seen a worse movie.  My friends and I went to see it on opening weekend...we met for (of course) cosmos beforehand and then we all loaded up and went to the theater.
The only reason that night wasn't a complete disaster is because I was with my friends, and it takes much more than some stupid dialog, forced acting and ridiculous script to completely ruin a night out with them.  But this movie tried...oh how it tried.
I don't know how many bazillions of dollars were spent on this goat-rope...the producers must have had more money than sense...
"Hey guys!  Liza Minelli and Hannah Montana want cameos!"
"On it!"
So we end up with a Liza musical number to a Beyonce song and Miley Cyrus (pre-skanky) running into Samantha (they are dressed the same, though there is a 40 year age difference) on the red carpet. Liza, bless her heart, looks like a caricature of herself.  Some of the drag queen back-up dancers looked more like Liza than Liza did.  The Miley/Cattrall mash-up did nothing more than sharpen the focus on how old and inappropriate Samantha's  character continues to be.

After that, the plot really gets stupid and we end up in a bazaar in Abu Dubai with the girls (and I use this term loosely because Kim Cattrell???  Needs to stop) being pursued by an angry mob of Arabic men.  Fortunately, a couple of burka-clad women whisk them to safety and give them spare robes to sneak out safely.  Unfortunately, Charolette gets separated from the group because she's shopping for souvenirs (after nearly being stoned to death by the angry mob)...the other chicks have to locate her by looking for her haute couture shoes sticking out from beneath her burka.

Honestly, except for two sex scenes, the entire scripts seemed like an adaption of an old Scooby Doo episode. 
I really expected ole Scoob to poke his head out of one of the containers in the bazaar as the ladies were finally together and sneaking out past the mob.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have been expecting much considering that I got my ticket using a coupon for a free showing of SATC out of a tampon box (not making that up).

So no, I DON'T need to know if Carrie's "punishment" of having to wear a 5 carat diamond ring helps her to stay faithful...or if Miranda ever gets to kick Ron White in the junk for being a bad boss (Ron?? What were you thinking, Honey?)...or if Charlotte ever learns not to wear $500 white pants while baking red velvet cupcakes.  And don't even get me started about how little I care about what's next for Samantha.  We're done here. 

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