Monday, July 27, 2015

Mercy


Jeff has an Ugly Brown Chair.  It IS kinda cool.  It IS very comfortable.  It is a great place for man and beast alike to nap. (Caution: after the 6th month, pregnant women should not attempt to nap in the Ugly Brown Chair.  It will take a chainfall to extract them.) (Yes, I speak from experience.)

However, none of that changes its appearance.

The Ugly Brown Chair has many, many holes in its upholstery. (Was faux fur furniture covering in the 70's called upholstery?) To prevent the spread of jiblets of Ugly Brown Chair stuffing throughout the entire house, the Ugly Brown Chair usually has a (fur-covered) ESPN stadium blanket thrown across it. This keeps the plethora of animals that track in and out of the Ugly Brown Chair from further digging into the foam as well as keeping the already loosened bits from sticking in their fur once they have napped and are free to wander about.



A couple of weeks ago, the lovely Meg was in town.  I met up with her and our mutual friend Jacquie for lunch.  Meg told us that she'd probably have another friend with her...Robby.  Robby is a very talented interior design guru.  Also, a very nice guy.  We got to see some photos of his work.  I was very impressed...he was a guy that salvages a lot of used things to make very beautiful, eclectic room re-dos.  He had pictures of a whole fireplace wall/mantle thingy made entirely of old pallet wood.  It was awesome.

After our lunch, I got to thinking...maybe Robby could provide me some insight on what to do with Ugly Brown Chair that would preserve its usefulness, coolness and comfort while helping it not be so...well...ugly.

I texted Meg and told her that I would send her some pictures if she would be so kind as to forward them to Robby for his expert opinion.

I took off the protective ESPN blanket covering to give him the full perspective:





I was told that the kindest thing I could do was give Ugly Brown Chair a mercy killing.

So now I have to ask those of you out there who are reading this...is there naught to be done to save UBC?




9 comments:

  1. Oh man...that does look comfy...but like all things...perhaps ugly brown chair's day is done...

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    1. I can throw it away once they remove Jeff's dead, cold, stiff body from it.

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  2. Err... I have to say, it really lives up to its billing. It's a chair, it is brown, and it is ugly. I feel terrible for saying it, but maybe it is time for UBC to go on a little one way trip somewhere.

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    1. I actually had a confirmed sighting of something looking very, very much like UBC that had been re-upholstered. It was still big...and it was unusual...but it didn't look like it was infested in any way.

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    2. Love a story with a happy ending! (Sob)

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    3. Love a story with a happy ending! (Sob)

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  3. First, vacuum the living you-know-what out of it. Then get a king sized sheet set. Wrap the top sheet around the body of the chair, loosely. Leave the armrests uncovered. Tuck the sheet into all the cracks and crevices. Staple the sheet together in the back and underneath. Then, get a king sized blanket, furry or nor, whatever color you want. Do the same with the blanket as you did with the sheet. It should last a while, and give more cushioning.

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    1. Thanks, Dana! I'll look into that. Although, I may be the least crafty sort of person in the world. If anyone could screw your simple instructions up...it would be me!

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    2. Just think back to when you fixed your sandal with thumb tacks. :)

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