Thursday, June 26, 2014

Life Lessons

As my only child prepares to leave the nest, I've been reflecting on my raising of her...the lessons I tried to teach and the values I tried to instill.
I remember once, when she was about 4 years old, we had gone shopping at Toys R Us (are any of those still open, BTW?)  At the time, Daughter was VERY into Polly Pockets.  She had about eleventy thousand of them. (We bequeathed them to my friend Lauren, whose child is about 7 or 8 years younger than mine):

(picture Lauren sent me the day after we gave her kiddo the box of Pollys. I don't think she's ever really forgiven me for it.  This was over 5 years ago and I bet she still occasionally sucks up pieces while vacuuming)
So anyway...back to the "lesson."  Daughter had some of her very own money to spend.  She'd gotten it for losing a tooth or something.  I think it was about $10.  We went to TRU and headed back to the Polly Pocket section.  They had several little sets...some of them were on clearance.  The clearance sets were $7.75.  The not-clearance sets were $12.95.  Of course, she immediately fell in love with a not-clearance set.  I knelt down to her level and calmly and lovingly told her that she did not have enough money to buy that one.  But if she wanted to help me out with some chores the following week, I'd give her $5 and we could come back and get it...or she could choose one of the sets that she could afford.  Of course, neither of those options suited her at all.
Her big ole hazel eyes looked up at me pleadingly...and she said in her sweetest, most angelic voice, "But PLEASE, mommy!" Then she batted her eyes and flashed me her dimples.  And of course, I wanted to give her what would make her happy...but I recognized this as a MOMENT...and that I should make a life lesson out of it.  I told her, "Now, baby, you have to realize that looking cute isn't going to always get you what you want."  Now, I know that I'm her mother, and you probably think I'm biased...but at four years old, my daughter may well have been the absolute cutest thing alive on the planet.  Don't believe me?

(And she's not even TRYING to be cute in this can't even see her dimples.)

After a few more minutes of discussion (to give her credit, kiddo would do a little begging, but she was never one to throw an outright fit), I told her I had some more things to that age, you have to keep a stock of boy and girl gifts because it seems like there's a birthday party every other weekend.  She came willingly with me...clutching the two different Polly Pocket sets: the one she WANTED, and the one that would do.
I finished what else I had to do and we headed for the cash register.  I checked out and paid for my purchase.  The kiddo pulled her $10 bill out of her pocket, and put the two sets on the conveyor belt.  She told the clerk, "I really want to buy the first one, but this is all the money I have.  I wanted to ask you to check and make sure it isn't supposed to be on sale too." (She didn't just look cute...she was quite the charmer too.)  The cashier scanned the toy and $12.95 appeared on the screen.  Kiddo's face just turned sad and she let out a gusty sigh...and began reaching for the runner-up toy.  The sales lady, taking all of this in (and I am sure that the lack of a sudden outburst played well into my daughter's favor) said, "Well, hold on.  You know sweetie, I think you're right and that both of these toys are supposed to be on sale."  She scanned the cheaper toy, bagged the $12.95 toy and handed it to my daughter.
I got us back out to the car, loaded my bags and buckled her up in her toddler seat in the back.  As I was pulling out of the parking lot and into traffic, she was already back there tearing into her new acquisition.  And I VERY clearly heard her say to herself, "Cute may not always get you what you want.  But it did today."

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Flaws and Virtues

I have many flaws.  One of them, unfortunately, is a very jacked-up sinus cavity.  I've seen x-rays of it, and it's not pretty.  My right side in particular is very malformed...I actually don't even have an upper cavity on that side.  I've had surgery once, in 2005 and while it helped with the constant sinus infections, it made my snoring even worse.  Jeff swears the doctor left something flapping up in there.
Consequently, I snore like a wounded water buffalo.  And that's being kind.  I've been played recordings of my snoring and it is impressive.  Once, I fell asleep on my front porch and a neighbor, going outside to smoke around midnight, walked down the street from 3 houses down because he was sure he heard someone using a power drill to break into the bolt locks on our house.  True story.
Fortunately, I have many off-setting virtues.  One of them is the ability to pick a patient and loving man to marry.  He's been living with my wounded buffalo/power drill snore for more than 24 years now...and still somehow wants to share a bed with me every night.  His only concession to the sounds that could probably bend metal?  To wear ear plugs.  He buys them in bulk:


(This box sits on our chest of drawers. It's the second such box he's had to buy. He gets them from Grainger online)
There is nothing our newest cat, Daisy, loves more than these ear plugs.  She fishes them out of the bathroom trashcan all of the time:

(Daisy with a purloined earplug.  Also, part of my thumb...another flaw of mine...I am totally retarded at picture-taking.)

(She has taken this one down to the kitchen)
We find them the bed with us, in the living room, under each and every piece of furniture...Jeff's even found them deposited in his shoe.
The other day at work, I went digging for something in my purse (mascara, I think) and saw this:

Apparently, I had left my purse open on the table the night before and Daisy had herself a little nocturnal game of ear-plug ball.  My purse was the goal.

There were SIX total earplugs in my varying stages of chewed-upon.  I don't know if she ran out of ear plugs that she had hidden around the house or if six was just the right number of earplugs she felt my purse needed.
Maybe six is the number of goals you need to win at ear-plug ball.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Question for today.

I hate to show my ignorance...but can someone please explain Google's homepage today to me?
It's a...dead octopus? In heaven? That is confused about Mexico and Brazil?  I know it's got something to do with the World Cup (I'm not completely under a rock)  but the octopus (with only three legs, apparently) in the clouds with a halo?  I'm missing whatever message is trying to be sent.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Odds and Ends

The last month or so has been a hectic mess.  That final run-up to the kiddo's graduation was just nuts, and I haven't had the time to devote to my blog like I like to.  That doesn't mean that weird stuff stopped happening around me...just that I haven't had the time to really sit down and write about it.

I have, however, had some things crop up that I'd snap a picture of thinking, "I'll get back to that some time."  Going through my camera roll on my phone today, I decided to just upload all of these little odds-and-ends-reminder pictures.

Here's the first two:

I don't know what the hell posses my cats sometimes.  We have lived in our current house almost 10 years.  Both of these cats pictured above have lived here the entire 10 years.  Suddenly, out of the blue, they decided to invade the cabinet of bags.  We use the plastic bags that you get at Walmart or Target or Winn Dixie as mini trash bags.  Because our cats are heathen beasts, they won't stay out of a normal trash can.  We hang a plastic bag on a chair or drawer knob where it cannot easily be defiled and take it out very, very frequently.  I realize that I have waaaaay too many of these bags stuff under the cabinet, but I promise you they eventually get used.
Anyway, back to the cats....for about a week, we'd come home to find the cabinet open and one or both of them (not the other three cats) in there.  Then it just stopped.


I saw this as I was going into a resturant in town.  My first thought? "Wow.  Are the Duggars in town?"  Then I noticed the license plate was'd think I'd have heard about a family of 15 (counting parents) in a town the size I live in...but maybe not.
My final thought on this picture "Can you GET 13 children into a Kia Sorento?" "Is that legal?" "Could the suspension even take it?"

This picture was actually taken on my last girls' trip to the beach:

Now, don't get me wrong...Rooster Cogburn is one of my all-time favorites...but putting a likeness (and signature!) of the Duke on your vehicle?  Why?  Who loves John Wayne that much?

Then there's this:

At first, all you notice is the loud shirt (which I actually kinda dig).  But then, then you see it:

My friend Annette and I have long been avid mullet watchers...and we try to document the increasingly rare mullet sightings.
This is the saddest little mullet I have ever seen. This poor fellow had all of nine hairs to braid together and form the mullet breed known as "the rat tail."  Props for the little curl on the end, though.

Back to my weird housecats:

What is it about cats and pineapples?  I am not the first person who has noticed the cat/pineapple phenomenon.  My question was going to be "Why do cats like pineapples?" but that question leaves some of the nuance out of the situation.  Closer would be "Why are cats so affectionate to pineapples?" but that sounds sort of dirty.  It's not like the cats are molesting the pineapple or anything gross.  They just go to whereever I leave a pineapple (on the table, on a counter, on the bakers rack) and sit beside it and smell it.  Occassionally they will rub their face on it...I just don't get it.

Moving on...

The other day, I went into a gas station restroom and saw this:

I have no idea what the story is here.  Probably, I don't want to know.

Finally, last set.  I think only in a Winn Dixie parking lot will you see:

Wait, look closer:

So, here's another use for Winn Dixie bags besides trash bags or cat bedding.

My memaw would do this sometimes if she got caught out and she'd just had her hair "done" for the week and had somehow forgotten the little plastic rain bonnet that she USUALLY had in her purse.  And frankly, you're gonna need your coiffe lookin' good if you are going to somehow pull off the denium pleated-jumper look.

So, whew!  Now I feel kind of caught up.

Monday, June 2, 2014

Bad to the bone

The hubby has been job hunting since his project is winding down & I've been doing the occassional search to help him out.  Today I found this:

And I am left with some definite questions.

1. If you HAVE 2-3 years of Deboning Supervising experience, don't you already work there?  Because how else would you have this experience?

2. Why is it a "plus" to be bilingual?

3. Is there some high demand for Deboning Supervision that I have been unaware of until now? I mean look...the pay is around $45k/year with just a high school diploma AND there's a $250 referral bonus AND a relocation package AND a bonus program.  They sound absolutely desperate to have their poultry deboning supervised.

4. What does it take to supervise a deboning?  How do you know if you're doing it right?

5. I wonder what you smell like at the end of the day?

Of course, this job is no good for my husband.  He's got a real issue with chicken.  The only chicken he will eat (and then, he's not always happy about it) is boneless, skinless chicken.  And he can't see it or touch it or smell it raw.  If he accidentally wanders into the kitchen while I'm cutting up raw chicken...he just heads to the freezer for a Totino's pizza.  He can't eat it if he sees it being handled raw.

So, basically, this Chicken de-boner Supervisor position is the one they'd give him in Hell.  Even if the pay is good.and they're offering medical and dental.