Friday, January 3, 2014

Letter to my future...

You know how folks are always writing those "Letter to my future husband" and "Letter to my future children" and such?  Well, this is a letter to my daughter's future roommate(s).  It's NOT a letter to my future son-in-law.  I'm hoping that if she's marrying him, he's smart enough to have done his own due-diligence and knows what he's getting into and considers her worth it.
Her future roommate, on the other hand, will probably get picked by the university and will just be stuck with her for a year.  And to that roommate, let me say:
I. Am. Sorry.
I take full responsibility for the fact that my child is a slob.  I guess, though, when I was picking my battles about the importance of her education, the character of her friends, the endless arguments over boys...that by the time it came to her cleanliness...I had run out of steam.
Now...her PERSONAL hygiene is flawless.  That much came out okay.  But insofar as her housekeeping?  I would like to say that it is non-existent.  But that would actually make it sound benign.  My daughter is some kind of anti-clean-house force of nature.
A large part of the problem is that she has three rooms in which to wreak havoc...and the doors to these rooms stay closed most of the time.  If I had had to look at the mayhem all of the time, I'm sure it would have bugged me enough to bump housekeeping up the list of child-rearing priorities.
This is her "TV room". It's actually more like a prep room...where she curls her hair and puts her makeup on...and keeps her shoes.  See the cubby we put in to organize her shoes?  Yeah, she pretty much ignores that in favor of a big ole pile of shoes in the middle of the floor.  Once every few months I wander in and see what a disaster it is and demand she straighten it up.

Bathroom...again, because she's the only one that uses it, I rarely get inside to see how bad it're looking at eleventy-five different moisturizers, conditioners, skin care paraphernalia all haphazardly flung about.

But here is where I start getting a bit squicked out.  The other stuff?  Is mostly clutter.  And clutter, while annoying, isn't a health risk.  This tub on the other hand?  I think the stuff growing in it might be a new life-form.  Perhaps even one we need to have vaccinations against.


My only hope is that the bathtub scum never escapes its environment and mates with whatever hair/fur/lint/fuzz creature that is slowly evolving in the corners of her bathroom floor. Blech.  I think it's made out of the fur remnants of 5 different animals that live in the house, plus daughter's hair.  Occasionally, you'll find a Q-tip or bobby-pin ensnared as well.
Again...Future daughter's apologies.  My daughter has some fantastic qualities...she is a lovely human being, fiercely loyal, smart and funny.  And an amazing cook and baker.  But the housecleaning thing?  Is a biggie to get past, I know.  I do think your life will be forever enriched if you can deal with it.  Just make sure you're up to date on all of your shots.

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