Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Tinder is the night

I've been married to the same man for over 25 years.  So I was out of the dating scene WAAAYYYY before the era of online dating and Tinder and stuff.  And thank God for that.

I do have some single friends that have perused the interwebs in search of true love.  They occasionally share some of their better finds with the rest of us.  Below are some of the more bizarre submissions.  My apologies if any of these are relations of yall's.

First up, Cedric.

Cedric, dude slow down.  Breathe.  And punctuate.  Because I am unsure of the context of the phrase "to touch" without some sort of grammatical guidance here.

Kevin, Dating tip: try not to use the word "horrors" when you're trying to attract the ladies.

Greg, most women do not appreciate a man who's cleavaging more than they are.  I'm not saying that it isn't great that you're in good shape...just maybe you don't wear a pink-striped blouse with a plunging neckline.

Doesn't this guy look like a great big barrel of happy?  Nothing says "Good times" like a beer and a cigarette...in his..... um, unfinished basement??? Where he's taken his other victims? I mean, dates?

Maybe this is an attempt to show that he's not afraid of commitment?

Yes, just ignore the shake n' bake meth lab I've got going.

Does your mother know that you've been talking to girls?

Cute dog.  Not sure why we feel the need to take selfies in the walk in closet, however.

I'm just going to let my (unnamed) friend's comment stand on its own for this one.

Then there's Scottie. Scottie....Scottie scares the shit out of me.  I think he may have multiple personalities, and thus he felt that he should have photo representation of each.
Scottie#1 "It rubs the lotion on it's skin"

Scottie#2 "It's not the size of your gun, but the number of your bullets."

Scottie#3. This.
He has taken a picture of his cat peeking up though his drawers while he sits on the toilet.
Now, I know that there are few among us that have indoor cats that have not experienced a feline's tenacity when it comes to wanting attention whilst one is on the can.
But Scottie...Scottie decided to take a picture and then USE IT ON HIS TINDER ACCOUNT.

Finally, this guy.
I don't even have words.
I'd advise you not to read his min-bio there if you're the least bit squeamish.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

If the leggings fit...

These are the leggings I wore to work on Tuesday.
I like them.  They are warm and comfy...the waistband doesn't rub my barely-healed incision where I had my laparoscopic hernia surgery last month.  And with a tunic-length sweater and boots I don't look too bum-ish.
Most days I don't have to interact with a lot of people at my job.  But when I do, it's usually lots of people from far-flung places.
Tuesday was the second day of a visit we were having with a bunch of foreign nationals.  All from different nations...Serbia, India, Russia, England, Czechoslovakia, Malta...etc.  And I was playing the part of Girl Friday...fetching and running and escorting (not like that) and copying and faxing, etc.  Did not use a lot of my Mechanical Engineering skills for this visit, but still, it was a necessary function and I was happy to assist.
All of the people in the group were very pleasant to work with, even if there was an occasional language barrier.  English was not the mother tongue of any (except the Englishman) but was the only common language to all.
So when the guy from Serbia was trying to find me...what he wanted to say was..."what is the name of the lady in the colorful leggings."
What the final translation was?
I have officially been called, "Ms. Crazy Pants" at work.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

(Algo)rithm of the night(mare)

Is it just me, or does everyone get things "suggested" to them on their timeline that just make you wonder about the method that Facebook uses?

Well, lately, I'm beginning to wonder if they've added a new "insult" component to their "suggestions" algorithm:

I'm not a grandmother, dammit!  Not that there is anything wrong with being a grandmother.  I've heard it's great.
But I think it's just presumptuous to assume that because of my advanced age, I must be one. (Having a grandkitten does not count).

And this one?  Is not just insulting...it's the stuff of nightmares:

Now you're just being hateful, Facebook.