Sunday, January 26, 2014

Ode to my blue bra

Oh, blue bra!  How I am going to miss you!  You, who have been my faithful, reliable support for lo these many, many years.
Never in all of our time together have you sought to betray me by stabbing me with your underwire like some of your brethren.  Nor have you ever made me uncomfortable and caused be to cast you from me like others.
Not you, blue bra. were the perfect undergarment
Seemingly seamless, you could be worn under the lightest and most clinging of fabrics.  You could be worn under black, dark blue...even forest green.  You were lightly lined to be so breathable, yet I was never afraid I was nippin'. You were so adjustable, blue bra, that you stayed supporting me through weight fluctuations of plus or minus 20 pounds. 
You could be worn under sweaters in the winter.  In the summer, you worked with StrapEase like a pro and could be worn under any racer back top without making my boobs look all squished together in front like so, so many sports bras that could never be your equal.
I brought you with me, blue bra, when we bought our new home in 2004.  You are older than many of my pets.
I believe you had a good life, blue bra.  You were never subjected to the "normal" cycle of the washing machine like some common towel.  You were always cleansed with the mildest of detergents.  You have never known the harsh heat of the dryer.  I did what I could to increase your longevity, blue bra.  Everything that I knew to do.
But then, blue bra, this last Friday, the inevitable happened.  Sitting at my desk, I arched my back to stretch...and I felt something was awry.  Valiantly, you fought on to provide me strength and support...but now, with every reaching movement, I felt the wrongness increase.
Returning to our home afterwards, I was able to ascertain the extent of the damage:
Yes, the fabric at your very center had become old and frayed and finally, could not prevail against the forces applied so ruthlessly.  But 9.8 meters per second squared cannot be resisted forever...though so tirelessly you tried.
I wish I could believe that I will ever find your equal.  But alas, your tag is so old and faded, I cannot ascertain your manufacturer or even your size.  Were you a 42D, blue bra? Or a 40DD?  Your origins have been lost in the mists of time, I am afraid.
So farewell, faithful blue bra.  Others will come after you to take up your burden(s) but none will surpass you.


  1. This is like Jerry Seinfeld talking about his T-shirt Golden Boy. But, much better. For the obvious reasons.

    1. By "obvious reasons" do you mean "you showed the whole world your underwear?"

  2. "For the obvious reasons" was me keeping it classy. I originally had "Because breasts." Clearer? :-)