Thursday, July 31, 2014

Washin the dog, washin the dog

For Throw-back post of an old story...
We have a 7-month old Golden Retriever puppy named Simba.  He is a hot mess…he’s also very much a daddy’s boy.  He follows Jeff around like nobody’s business.  And Jeff acts like Simba is his baby.  Seriously, the dog is R-O-T-T-E-N.  Recently, Simba’s er...boy parts…have been…um…becoming more developed.  Also, it’s summer in Alabama…which means 95 degrees and 112% humidity…on a good day.  Plus, even with liberal applications of Frontline, there are still sometimes fleas to contend with.  The combination of all of these factors culminated to produce a rash around Simba’s…er…junk.  Which he felt like he had to clean incessantly, drawing attention to the rash.

Jeff, being a good puppy-daddy, became concerned about Simba’s rash and decided that something needed to be done about it.  His solution: Desitin.  You know, the diaper-rash ointment.  I mean…it looked like diaper rash…and Simba is still a baby (though a 60+ pound baby)… There was reasoning there, I’ll give him that…not SOUND reasoning, but still, there was a thought process involved.  So Jeff runs down to Target, buys a tube of Desitin and smears the gunk on the junk…and surrounding areas.  Then, and only then, does he come find me and tell me (proudly) what he’d done.   Do you what human babies wear that puppy-babies do not?  Diapers, that’s what.  It may occasionally give them diaper rash, sure.  But you don’t have to worry about getting the diaper rash ointment all over the place once you apply it… A puppy??? Not so much.

You know how a dog will sometimes drag it’s butt on the floor when they’ve got something going on down there?  Well, apparently, the sensation of gooey, oily ointment on his bottom was not a pleasant one.  We found Simba booty-scooting along the livingroom carpet.  He’d started his butt-drag in the foyer.  You’d think that cleaning Desitin off of tile would be easier than cleaning it out of carpet…but I’m here to tell you that they both are equally challenging.  On the tile, it just wants to smear around and it's pretty resistant to most house-hold cleaning products.  The steam-cleaner we have worked pretty well on the carpet…after the 4th time or so.

Then there was the dog himself.  Despite massive amounts of ointment deposited on my various flooring surfaces…there was quite a bit still on the dog…all matted up in his fur and stuff.  Jeff had put him outside while we tried to decontaminate the house…aaaannddd…he had decided to see if grass/dirt/mud was any better at relieving the medicated sensation with more butt-dragging.  So now, Simba’s greasy hiney has dirt, leaves and grass matted in it.  Let me end this by saying it took three wash/rinse cycles of his fur to get it all washed out.  And it left a greasy residue in the tub.  I swear, Desitin was apparently the basis for the pink stuff in the Cat-in-the-Hat book that they got all over the house.  You know, every time they tried to clean it, it just got worse and worse?  It never actually goes away, you just move it around until you get it out the door.

Anyway, everything and everyone is back to normal and clean now.  We’re all exhausted though.  Here’s a picture of my tired puppy-dog.  He doesn’t look too traumatized does he?



  1. ohhh..poor Simba!

    Love the Cat In The Hat comparison..hilarious!!

  2. HAHAHAHA! OMG! Thanks for the running mascara! Sheesh and it's only the start of the day! (*the fellas at work now think I am crazier than usual now)


    1. Glad you enjoyed! sorry you had to work on a Fri.