Monday, July 21, 2014

MacGyver for real

You know how I know it's Monday?  Because I got up this morning, dressed in my really cute new Palazzo pants and discovered I had the cutest pair of cork wedges that matched PERFECTLY that I had bought end-of-season somewhere for practically nothing, but seldom wore because they were such an unusual color.
I KNEW it was Monday, yet I let myself get all fashionista cocky and was actually ENJOYING the morning instead of reluctantly dragging my sorry self into work desperate for my second cup of coffee.  Thanks to the talented Jennifer N, I had a sassy new haircut: 

I know, I take the world's worst selfies...nice thumb, huh?

Thanks to zulily, I had my swanky new palazzo pants. (A quick word about palazzo pants...I don't know who brought these things into existence or who made them a "thing"...but whoever it is, I wish that I could kiss them on the mouth.  You can be wearing the latest "it" thing, and yet feel like you are in your pajamas at work.  Seriously, palazzo pants are what you put on when your yoga pants feel too consticting.  They are the fashion world's apology to women for corests, hoop skirts and bustles)
Thanks to Dillard's semi-annual bra sale, I had on supportive undergarments that weren't poking, prodding, pinching or going rogue. It wouldn't be the first Monday where I'd experienced such problems.
But this Monday?  I was well prepared to kick this Monday's ass.
Of course, I wasn't here an hour and this happened:

My discount, had-hardly-ever-been-worn cork wedges had a complete come-apart. (but please notice how PERFECTLY they matched my pants).
Now usually, I'd have a pair of sneakers or something here at case I feel like walking during my lunch or hitting the gym before going home (snort).  But we are going to be relocating our office soon to another building, so I've been taking unnecessary stuff home for the time being.  I was faced with a dilema: I could either try to MacGyver my cute orange shoes back into functionalilty or I'd be reduced to my only other option, my steel-toed construction boots that I wear in the plant:

Dag-nasty ugly, aren't they?  And if you can't tell, they are filthy.  Fine for when I'M filthy as well and working outside doing my outside engineering schtick...but when I'm planning an office day (like today) and I have on decent clothes, they would quickly and easily be ruined by these boots with a simple crossing of my legs.
MacGyver it is then.
First, I dug out my handy-dandy desk appropriate tool kit.

There's nothing too exotic in here...but it sure is nice to have in a pinch.  I have one at home, in the car and in my desk.  I got them out of some catalog a hundred years ago (back when we ordered things from catalogs) for $10 a set.  Well worth the money.  With the pliers and the flat-headed screw driver, I managed to get the strap tucked back where it belonged...tracked down some gorilla glue and quickly fashioned myself some clamps out of some binder clips:

Nice, even pressure across the whole strap while the glue set was essential.  Afterwards, I unclamped my shoe and gave the strap a little tug.  It held, but didn't seem sturdy enough to bear up under my kind of weight for several hours yet.  I decided I'd better resort to my old stand-by, the stapler:

The stapler has been my friend on many occassions. Step on your pant leg and rip your hem out?  Tuck that hem back up...set a couple of staples and you can finish out the work day without fear of going ass over teakettle down the stairs because your hem is dragging.  Discover that the seam has come undone on your blouse and you have a hole under your armpit? Get your stapler, go to the bathroom, take off your shirt, turn it inside, more hole and no one can tell.  Unfortunately, I could not get the stapler manuvered into the shoe where I needed it.
What to do, what to do?

A couple of low-profile, flat headed thumb tacks will do the job nicely, thank you very much.
And we can now return to our regularly scheduled program.

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