Monday, December 23, 2013

A Holiday Classic...

Seeing how THIS year, the Christmas tree has an entirely new set of problems (read about here) this post-from-the-past is a little ironic...However, it's become a tradition with my family and friends that I re-tell "The Horrible Christmas Tree" every year. I'm a little late this year in the telling.
(I really cannot believe how much the kiddo has changed over these past few years...I don't think Jeff or I have changed all that much):


Here we go tree hunting. Loving Jeff's new hat/toboggan that my sister gave him. Yes?  Rosie the three-legged wonder dog loves to tree hunt with us. 

The tree is FOUND!!! And so Jeff begins cutting.

This is taking the child texts while Rosie stands guard.

Still waiting....

 Action shot. (My friend, Lori, loved this picture so much, she printed it out and stuck it to her refrigerator; called it "Jeff, my own little Christmas elf."

Why is this tree not down yet?

Whew! Finally! Jeff is exhausted, but we're all still excited about the tree

See...everyone is in a good mood. Even teen-age punk children who were forced to put down their phones for 6 seconds to take this picture. Also, the dog is grinning. I think I may need to burn this sweater though…or diet ('s years later, yet nothing's been done to rectify,Gah!)

The mighty tree-slayer with his kill

Tree is ready for transport

Rosie had a good time

Back at the house, Rosie dons her Reindeer garb in preparation for trimming the tree.  She is VERY excited.  I'll point out that Rosie was an only dog back then...we've acquired a Golden Retriever and a Chau-weenie since.

Here's another picture of Rosie being very, very excited.

And so the trouble begins...there's a definite tilt to the right.
The tree has two trunks that branch off right at the bottom. Only two of the four screw thingies will touch no matter how we twist and turn the tree. We try straightening; then decide to try another tree base. We unscrew the tree, Jeff lifts while I swap out the bases. The tree weighs a TON…foul language may have been used. Thankfully, the child has wandered to another part of the house to check her MySpace. (Yes, this story actually happened so long ago, MySpace was cool!)  Did you know that most "kids" now have moved on through Facebook, onto Twitter?  Apparently, too many parents were getting to hip to Facebook....anyway, back to the story...

Jeff comes up with a plan involving the daughter's old building blocks

Ah yes, this looks well engineered.

New problem? We have a BUNCH of Hallmark ornaments that have to be powered by non-blinking, mini-lights. The set of lights we used last year burned out and were discarded when we took the tree down and we forgot to replace. Jeff runs out to Walgreen's down the block for a new set…

...and rips the side mirror off his car when he backs into the garage.
When we get inside from looking at this...the tree has tipped over again. Also, the lights he comes back with?? Are pink (we’ll come back to that later.)

This is an artificial tree.
We finally gave up on the two trunk monstrosity and admitted defeat. The kiddo and I went to Lowe's where the selection was almost caput, Home Depot, where they only had trees 5’ and under and then finally
before finding a decent artificial tree.
Remember the pink lights we were going to use to power the Hallmark ornaments??? They had a pink cord. Sorry, this was too ghetto even for us. We had to take that strand off & send Jeff back for more lights.

Luckily...Izby, a kitten at the time and who'd never seen a Christmas tree before, ran into the room, startled himself so bad that he shat a little on the carpet before running back out with his fur all poofed out. The kid promptly stepped in it.
Another time-out while Jeff cleans this up

Finally, time to put the star on the new, artificial tree.  Note: no whiney-butt, griping teenage children were harmed in the placement of this star, though perhaps they should have been

Meanwhile, the original tree is out on the front walk.  Notice how DARK it is outside?

Another shot of the discarded “real” Christmas tree. Yes, it is still upright hours after Jeff set it outside. He grumbled a bit about that…however, it was on its side by morning, and that was WITHOUT the aid of the previously mentioned kitten (who eventually got over his fright and would SO have been up in the middle of it.)

Anyway, don’t you know the neighbors love us


And finally, here we are…two trees, two tree stands, two strands of lights, a busted side-view mirror on Jeff’s Altima and NINE HOURS LATER.



On a final note…just to prove that I WILL NEVER LEARN…even though I should have just stopped with the tree already, I wanted get to put my porcelain nativity scene out. It is well packed in Styrofoam...each figure has its own little niche. As I am prying the baby Jesus from His, He shoots out, hits the fireplace cover and skips twice across the tile hearth. Thankfully, nothing chipped or broke...

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