Sunday, September 1, 2013

A Three Hour Tour, A Three Hour Tour...

Why??? Why does it take me THREE. FREAKING. HOURS. to vacuum this house??  I decided this time, I would pay attention to what I'm doing and attempt to document the "why?"

So first, I pick up all of the dog toys laying around the livingroom/computer room/hallway. Get out the vacuum cleaner. All of the animals in the house immediately lose their shit. Put the dogs outside, ignore the cats. Start to vacuum. Remember that the TV trays are still up in the living room.  (I know we shouldn't but we eat in front of the TV, but we do). Put them up. Resume vacuuming. Find eleventy-five elastic hair ties. Gather them up.  Think to myself, "I should really start a load of laundry while I'm vacuuming." Go up to start laundry.  Realize no one has emptied the hamper in days.  Go get the hamper. Lug to laundry room. Sort clothes. Hmmm...there's a load in the dryer and one in the washer.  Don't know how long the load in the washer has been there, so re-start it, start the dryer to tumbling out the wrinkles in that load. 
Go downstairs to start vacuuming again. Ugh, my hair is in the way.  Go back upstairs where I took all of the elastic hair ties. Put my hair up.  Decide I should put my contacts in because my glasses keep sliding down my nose since I've now worked up a sweat trudging up and down the stairs.

I should get that load out of the laundry now so it doesn't stop and get all wrinkly again.  Get the load out and check the wash. Still needs some more time. Go back downstairs. Turn vacuum back on. God, why does this child never pick her shoes up?!? Gather up the shoes, put in a bag and hang on the end of the banister. Turn on the vacuum. Realize it's time to dump the Dyson already since I live with many, many shedding things. Go get the kitchen trash can.  It doesn't have a trash bag in it. Of course not. Get the bag, get the can, dump the Dyson.  Whew!  That's really dusty.  I should go take an allergy pill now so I'm not completely unable to breathe later.  Oh, look!  There's a cereal bowl, two coffee mugs and some spoons in the sink, waiting on the dishwasher fairy or the maid (they are both me) to rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher.
Go back to vacuuming.  Vacuum up a sock.  Well, halfway vacuum up a sock. Why am I always finding socks everywhere??? (Answer: because the kiddo comes home, takes her socks off and hands them to Simba, the Golden Retriever in some bizarre ritual the two of them have. Every. Single. Day.  He LURVES stinky socks.  Trots around with them for 15-20 minutes and then drops them wherever it is he loses interest.) Look under the furniture and retrieve 3 1/2 pairs of socks.  Take them upstairs, grabbing the bag of shoes on my way.  Toss the bag of shoes into the kiddo's room, take the socks to the laundry room.  Oh!  I can now move the load in the washer to the dryer and start another load.
Go back to vacuuming. Find a pile of cat food behind a door. What fresh hell is this?  Cat food behind the door?'s not just cat's barely digested cat food.  Awesome. Seems one of the turds, in an effort to make sure they consumed their fair share of the food, gulped down as much as they could, as fast as they could and then couldn't keep it down because it isn't even slightly chewed.  Just inhaled.  Clean up the chunky vomit.  Go get the carpet cleaner.  Go back upstairs for a wash cloth, come back down stairs with the wash cloth, clean the spot.
Resume vacuuming.
In bullet-point format, the remaining delays/distractions:
  • removing and replacing completely clogged HVAC filters up- and down-stairs.
  • blowing the last light in the bedroom ceiling fan and replacing them with mis-matched bulbs (two 40s, two 60 watt)
  • answering the landline even though I KNOW it is either a telemarketer or the pharmacy automatic service telling me to pick up a prescription.  (Hello! This is CVS pharmacy calling for: have a prescription that is ready for pickup...)
  • Oh! that reminds me!  Didn't take my blood-pressure medicine
  • Potty break.  Almost empty roll in the down-stairs bathroom. Extra is upstairs in the linen closet.
  • Jeff's shoes & belt
  • My empty suitcase from recent trip
  • Again with the laundry cycle.
Which is why it takes me over three hours to vacuum 4 bedrooms, a living room, computer room, study and hallway.  I didn't even get to Jeff's man-cave because I had piles of folded clothes all over it.


  1. LOL...why don't you assign vacuuming to another household member so you can do all those other things that get you sidetracked? You know, get out the vacuum. Say "okay, here ya go, Jeff/Mileena. It's time to vacuum". Then go about your merry way doing the other things, as they vacuum the whole house in about 30 minutes? Just saying...
    Sounds like me, though. When I DO decide to clean, I plan on a few things but see so many others that need attention and get sidetracked. I can't decide if it's ADD or OCD. And why are women the only people who grasp the concept of replacing a trash bag?