Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Animal

My office, Tuesday Morning...
Me: You will not believe how incredibly lame I was this weekend…and it cost me money.
Jenn: Ha!  I spent money on something very lame too.  I bet I was lamer than you.
Me: No way, I spent $600 on a Dyson vacuum cleaner…the one especially made for animal hair
Jenn: Okay, that’s bad.  I just spent $150 on a pot.  To cook in.
Me: What kind of pot costs $150?
Jenn:  A Le Creuset.  They’re the cast iron enameled cookware…I’ve been wanting one for ages but couldn’t justify it.  This one was 40% off.  At least you needed the Dyson.
Me: Okay, but I’m lamer because I spent my entire Sunday evening vacuuming the house & I enjoyed it.
Jenn: I sat my pot on the counter, poured myself a glass of wine and just looked at it, thinking how pretty it was.
Me: I kept yelling at Jeff, “Don’t touch my bag of dirt! I want to show the kid when she gets home.”
Jenn: Okay, that’s pretty bad.
Me: Also, I weighed it after I was done showing it off to the kid.  I sucked up nine pounds of pet hair and dirt.  I’m shocked that I was living in such squalor.  It’s a wonder adult protective services hasn’t been called in.
Jenn: Well, at least you have proof that you needed your Dyson.

Me: I find myself singing "I want to vacuum like an animal" to the tune of Nine Inch Nails' "Closer."

Jenn: That's a little disturbing.

Me: Yeah...I know.
Behold: "The Animal" Dyson model DC41.  At least the name is cool.

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