"Mom." she said firmly, carefully enunciating her words. "I think it is AWESOME that you can fit into the shorts that you haven't been able to wear since the 90's. I. Am. So. Proud. Of. You."
"Awwww, sweetie, thanks! That means..."
"Hold on. I'm not finished. I DO think it is awesome. But I'm going to need you to do something for me."
"When you get home, I need you to take them off and throw them away."
"But why? I don't underst...."
"Mother. Listen to me."
"Those shorts are corduroy. And faded. And well, they are just horrible."
"It's a narrow wale corduroy! I mean it's not like..."
"Mother, I swear to God, I will light them on fire right now."
"Fiiiiine. I won't wear them again."