Thursday, September 11, 2014


I am leaving the country for 10 days.  I'm excited and I'm nervous and....I morbidly feel like I need to have my "what ifs" instructions right out there front and center in case something happens. (I know...nothing's going to happen). 

First, you need to stop and go


for my basic last wishes. 
One of my (many) quirks is that I am constantly refining my funeral arrangements.  (don't judge.  If you lived here in the South and saw some of the atrocities that occur during funerals, you'd have an issue too).

Well, recently, there has been a rash of really, really corny poems and such in the paper (I know these are probably all heartfelt, sincere tributes to wonderful people and I am GOING TO HELL because I make fun of them, but they're really awful) anyway, I say to Annette that to add to my instructions (above) that she should stomp to death anyone who tries to submit a ridiculous poem about me when I shuck off this mortal coil. (And yeah, here I’m assuming that anyone WOULD…)

Anyway, in lieu of hackneyed poems, Annette has provided some wonderful haikus and one dirty limerick.  Please ensure they are read aloud at my funeral…by Annette if possible, but you know, she could have kicked it with me ala Thelma & Louise.  (BTW, you won't understand ANY of these if you don't go read that first link)

Sassy, taunting one    

Full of good tales and laughs  

Quick!  Search her nightstand


Beulah Land, she says

For me is the land of hot

Sweaty studs: Jackson



There was a hot chick from Tutwiler

Who liked for her man to defile 'er

Her lips - red and shiny

Quite active, her hiney

When she went, she was wearin' a smiler

Tell me those don’t bring a tear to your eye! Sniffle.  I am so blessed with friends you get me.


  1. OMG...HAVE FUN!!!! And those are some awesome Haiku!

    1. I need this! You don't know how bad.
      My wonderful Mom is taking me. She says she's spending my inheritance! Haha! At least she's letting me enjoy with her. We get a day in Barcelona, then cruising to Provence (Marseilles), France; Villefranche (Nice), France; La Spezia (Florence/Pisa), Italy; Civitavecchia (Rome), Italy; Naples (Capri), Italy; Barcelona, Spain