Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Cultured...that's us!

I am an email hoarder. 
I hate deleting anything because YOU NEVER CAN TELL.  And sure as the world, whenever I DO delete something…not 10 minutes will pass before I need some information contained in that email.  That being said…sometimes my system administrator gets a tich annoyed with the sheer volume of emails and asks me to prune them down.  During one such recent pruning, I found the following exchange.  (Background info: this was a group email that included all of the lovely ladies that I run around with…we get together once a month for our “meetings,”  which we have dubbed “Liquid Lunches”.  To be fair, we DO frequently use our forces for good & generally have several fund raising activities a year.  We’ve worked Memorial golf tournaments, participated in cancer runs, collected supplies and funds for some local charities including animal shelters, battered women homes, etc.  Sort of like the Junior League…only with lots more alcohol and trashy attire).  I cannot imagine what “data” in this particular email conversation I thought I might need to reference later…but it was amusing enough when I re-read it to want to post it here

Email trail:
Annette: So, we’re keeping the monthly Liquid Lunch on June 1st even though we will be missing a few ladies…and we’re going to try the new brewpub in town!  Belinda’s good friends own it, and they would love for our group to be among the first to enjoy it.  They said they would open early for us, and have wine/beer/likka.

Me: Sounds like a wiener.

Aimee (our newest recruit): weiners? we get free weiners? I'm in.

Annette: Hahaha*snort*hahahaha

Me: Aimee, hun...members of THIS group are practically wiener MAGNETS...didntchaknow?

Aimee: I did NOT know, but it has been noted in my trusty notebook. Do we tend to attract regular sized weiners or um....footlongs?

Me: Honestly, Aimee...all sorts.  A veritable plethora of wieners!  (What's the term for a grouping of wieners?  A waggle of wieners? I'm calling it a waggle of wieners...like a pride of lions or a murder of crows.)  We generally can count on a whole waggle of wieners wherever we go.

Aimee: Wondrous waggin waggle of weiners...GOT IT.

Aimee (again): I've a vision of a cornucopia horn-o-plenty full of weiners, all shapes, sizes and colors...*snort* some are bun lengthed, and some are cocktail weiners. Some are foot longs, some are Viennas...wait a minute...did I just write a weiner poem?

Belinda (previously introduced as "B"): Remember, it’s not the size of the wiener that counts!  (TWHS)

Me: Oh, Belinda...you know that's just something we tell the wiener-wielders to make them feel better.

Leah: Jesus, take the wheel.

Me: ooooo…Annette!  We need a haiku!

Weiner Haikus
Dear Mister Wiener,
I have a bun for you here
Please pass the mustard

Horn-o-plenty, yes
Bursting with wieners...someone
Hand me a fork, please

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