Slash!

Out here at my work, we have an animal problem.  We are located close to a) the county landfill and b) the county animal shelter (no, I don't work in a dump...it's complicated). We have lots of strays that make their way down to our location because irresponsible people are constantly dropping off their unwanted pets nearby.  There are several of us...my co-worker, Jan, my bestie, Annette, a lady up at HR & myself that have kind of unofficially made ourselves into a sort of impromptu rescue group.  We have each adopted at least one animal abandoned around here into our own households (mine: a cha-weenie named Libby & I lurve her) and have found homes for literally DOZENS of other cats and dogs.  The puppies and kittens are easiest. Some of the harder-to-adopt animals we have at least found non-kill shelters to take them to...even if we've had to transport them to larger cities.
Despite all of our efforts, however, these past couple of months, we've seen an dramatic increase in feral cats...you know, it only takes TWO and then you've got them exponentially multiplying.  We'd been making sure they weren't going hungry, but apparently once they weren't STARVING, they had the health and energy to start making new feral kittens. What to do?  We finally found an organization that loaned us some traps (S.A.F.E.) and had a vet they worked with to spay/neuter these animals.  Okie-dokie, then.  We bait and set some traps up, and five minutes later...woohoo!  We have our first vasectomy volunteer!  (actually, castration candidate is more accurate.) Unfortunately, we failed to consider how to transport Mr. Hellcat once in his have-a-heart trap. (note to anyone who might try this at home...use dry food to bait your trap.  When they realize they can't get out, they go bat-shit crazy & there's nothing like the smell of cat-piss combined with the smell of wet cat food. They will have both All. Over. Them.)
Now, I hope that I have effectively illustrated for you that I am totally commited to do my best for these poor animals...I feel like I certainly do my duty to king and country when it comes to taking care of God's little creatures...but I do drive a nice, sporty little zippy-zoom Volvo.  And I love my Volvo.  I certainly didn't relish the thought of the interior (my pretty, pretty carmel leather interior) being befouled by the stench of this beast.  Thankfully, upon further review, I couldn't have gotten the trap/cage into the backseat anyway.  So, I call the hubby.  And he agrees to come with the van & transport our captive to the vet.  I rounded up some gloves (no telling what kind of exotic bacteria is living under those claws, just waiting on someone's long-suffering husband to come within striking distance) and then sat in my office and waited for Jeff to show up.  And waited. And waited.  Finally, I sent him a text:

Me: "Hey. You comin to get this cat? Vet closes at 5."

Jeff: "Slash and I are already out the gate."

Me: "Slash?"

Jeff: "Yeah, as in "I'd like to SLASH you across the eyeballs."...this is one mean-looking mofo cat."

Then I don't hear from him for a bit until I get:

"Slash has been dropped off, and the van is once again urine-free."

So, Jeff's done his good-hubby deed for the week.

A much less virile Slash was picked up and released the next day.  We're currently trying to get some of the others trapped & fixed.  We got two calicos yesterday & shipped those girls off before they could get knocked up.  We're trying to find someone in need of some barn cats (I think Slash in particular looks like a mighty fierce mouser). For the interim we're just trying halt the multiplication factor.

Jan (after we set Slash free): The vet says he's notching their ears so he'll know that he's fixed them
Me: Ummmm....isn't the lack of balls a pretty good indication?
Jan: Huh...you'd think.

So, anyone in need of a barn cat...or Slash!-a vicious guard cat, please let me know.