The Animal

My office, Tuesday Morning...

Me: You will not believe how incredibly lame I was this weekend…and it cost me money.

Jenn: Ha!  I spent money on something very lame too.  I bet I was lamer than you.

Me: No way, I spent $600 on a Dyson vacuum cleaner…the one especially made for animal hair

Jenn: Okay, that’s bad.  I just spent $150 on a pot.  To cook in.

Me: What kind of pot costs $150?

Jenn:  A Le Creuset.  They’re the cast iron enameled cookware…I’ve been wanting one for ages but couldn’t justify it.  This one was 40% off.  At least you needed the Dyson.

Me: Okay, but I’m lamer because I spent my entire Sunday evening vacuuming the house & I enjoyed it.

Jenn: I sat my pot on the counter, poured myself a glass of wine and just looked at it, thinking how pretty it was.

Me: I kept yelling at Jeff, “Don’t touch my bag of dirt! I want to show the kid when she gets home.”

Jenn: Okay, that’s pretty bad.

Me: Also, I weighed it after I was done showing it off to the kid.  I sucked up nine pounds of pet hair and dirt.  I’m shocked that I was living in such squalor.  It’s a wonder adult protective services hasn’t been called in.

Jenn: Well, at least you have proof that you needed your Dyson.

Me: I find myself singing "I want to vacuum like an animal" to the tune of Nine Inch Nails' "Closer."

Jenn: That's a little disturbing.

Me: Yeah...I know.

Behold: "The Animal" Dyson model DC41.  At least the name is cool.